Husband gets up and gets ready for work at an ungodly hour. Hyper Poodle, who has remained quietly in her crate while her humans slept, is now “singing” and rattling to let Husband know that she wants to be released and tucked under the covers next to sleeping Human and Blind Poodle. Husband complies.

Fast forward hopefully an hour: both poodles decide that it is “uppy time” and hop out of bed. This works better than any alarm, as one of these poodles will unapologetically relieve herself on the carpet, if someone isn’t pretty quick about getting her out for her morning pee.  We won’t embarrass her by identifying her here.

Human sits up, feet hit floor, and Human is standing in the demi light of 6 am before Brain is aware that there are body parts moving without any clear instructions. Brain struggles to catch up. At this point in time, Human has all of the traits of a zombie, including an appetite for brains, should anyone impede her on the way to the transformational elixir most humans refer to as Coffee.  Zombie is now moving in a stooped position towards Blind Poodle, who is timid and likely terrified of this creature approaching with arms dangling, making horrible, high pitched (soothing?) noises, attempting to corner her to pick her up. Blind Poodle is cornered and resigns herself to her fate; surprised every morning that she has not met with some horrible end. Zombie has now scooped up Blind Poodle and is carrying with one arm, while Hyper, Spinning, Singing Poodle (Hyper Poodle) does everything in her complete unrestraint to trip Zombie carrying Blind Poodle.  Blind Poodle seems to be aware that her perch is precarious.

This rag tag circus act has now defied all of Murphy’s Laws and reached the top of the stairs, which seem much steeper than usual. Eyes are not yet communicating depth perception back to Brain and Zombie throws all caution to the wind (against Brain’s advice) and takes the first step down. Ok. Hyper Poodle is coming back up, having lost patience at the bottom, and is making sure that Zombie is still on its way. Zombie has not yet tripped over Hyper Poodle (now completing third round trip) and Blind Poodle has legs rigid and toes splayed, as if preparing for some sort of undignified landing that only a cat could stick. The trio continues down the steps, one at a time, as Zombie starts to take on more human traits and is actually becoming aware that the legs and feet are not quite stable yet. Blind Poodle is very aware and not particularly confident of her chances of survival.

The bottom of the stairway has been reached and Blind Poodle is lowered gently to the floor, where she skitters to get her feet under her and then joins Hyper Poodle, who is spinning at the door and ringing the bells (don’t teach your dog to ring bells to go out).

Both poodles are out and Zombie now stumbles to the coffee machine…open, insert pod, close, push start. Eyes pop open as coffee maker starts to burble and heat.  Brain realizes a step was missed…cup! Zombie has now completely transformed into the human form it assumes for the day (Person) and frantically grabs a cup and shoves it into place to receive the life juice that will snap Brain to attention.  Person takes a few sips and relishes the first effects of this magic elixir.  Brain is now remembering the cute skunk that was eating cat food the night before, on the back step.